She drew in a massive gulp of sweet air, grabbed the rail, and leaned outward. She knew gay men did that, but she'd never seen it, not really. She'd s...en actors deep kissing once, in "Angels in America," and had been embarrassed by it. The boys' mouths were open and she could see everything. She had never really thought about it, not once, but now she could imagine the feel of mouth on mouth. She was possessed by the thought that each must taste like her lover.So that's what it's like.She. I was in, completely in, before she even realized what I had done! Of course she screamed and yelled that it was wrong and I was in the wrong place and whatever else women scream when you fuck their ass for the first time. But I held onto her hips, rubbing my body against her butt cheeks until she quieted down a little."Stop it! I insist that you take it out of my behind. Stop it!" Ruth, be quiet. You are screaming like a little girl. I am not going to take it out of your ass. I am going to. " Oh. Wow, really? Anything?"I blushed. "I guess so. But, I'd rather you didn't ask me to do anything weird, if you understand what I mean. And anyway, I'm glad you're willing to walk with me. I was getting kinda lonely." Jeez, why can't I just say I like her company? Why'd I have to add that last?!"Okay," she agreed. "I'll just walk with you."She was carrying her books the way girls do, in front of her, hugging them to her chest. It sort of crinkled her blouse a little and I tried to sneak a. . what? Not sadness, but his happiness seemedforced. As if he could never experience true joy because of... what? Itseemed like he harbored a yearning for something. Something that couldnever be obtained. There was a sense that his amiability, hiscompliance, was a symptom of a deeper feeling of loss, but of what shecould not put her finger on.Even now looking at him he seemed to have the weight of the world onhim. He's only seven for God's sake.They drove home in silence.The days that led up to.
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